The Death Stopped For Me
by nightpearl
Summary: This is the story of Narcissa Malfoy (former Narcissa Black). Based on a poem by Emily Dickinson. Please read and review! completed
1. Different shade of black

**Hello friends. This is a little fic about Narcissa Malfoy (maiden name Black) and her life. I got the idea of this fic from a poem by Emily Dickinson and I have linked the poem to the story. My friend said that she just doesn't understand what the poem has got to do with my story, so I might've misunderstood the poem or something... What do you think? Please read and review!**

**All characters belong to the one and only J.K.Rowling. I wish I could write like her... The poem is not mine either: it's written by Emily Dickinson, but since she's been dead for over one hundred years, I don't know who owns it. I just loved it - and borrowed it. **

**And yeah, sorry about the language mistakes. English just isn't my native language. **

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1. Different shade of black

She stared at the mirror, horrified. Last shade of pale blond in her hair had just vanished, turning into dark, deep black. "What have I done?" she whispered to the silence. She stroked her long, now raven black hair with incertainty. She looked so pale. "Black. Now I am Black" she said and tried to look cruel and sly. 

"You will never be a true Black, sister" said a mean voice behind her. Quickly she turned around and saw her sister standing on the doorway. "What is that anyway, changing your hair colour? You were not born with black hair so it is obvious that you were meant to be different. You were meant to be the weakest. You are not going to become anything, Narcissa. You are bound to be no one forever. Don't you try to foul anyone with that black hair. They'll know you are different. And besides, black really isn't your colour, don't you think?" Bellatrix laughed, utterly amused with the tears shining in her sister's eyes. "Cry, baby, cry. No one will come to help you, I promise."  

With a dash she strode out of the room, leaving Narcissa hurt and inadequate. Bellatrix always made her feel miserable because she thought it was funny. Narcissa gazed at her reflection. She raised her wand slowly and made a soft movement around her head. The colour of her hair begun to slide from black to almost white blond. Tears fell down her cheeks. She was ten years old and really wanted to be part of something. 

No one ever saw her with black hair. 

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The Great Hall was buzzing with excitement. It was time for the Sorting Ceremony. All the first years were walking through the Hall, feeling the older students' stares. Narcissa Black was walking just after her twin sister, and she felt she like she could throw up. What if the Sorting Hat put her for example to the Hufflepuff? Or Ravenclaw? Or Gryffindor? Actually, what if the Sorting hat didn't put her to the Slytherin? Every member of the Black family had always been in Slytherin; she was sure she would fail and find herself in the Hufflepuff table, feeling her sister's anger and hatred towards the blood-traitor. She trembled. The Sorting begun. 

After only a couple of students, the hat shouted "Bellatrix Black" and Bellatrix walked to the hat. She sat on the chair and put the hat on her head. With no thinking, the hat shouted: "Slytherin".  A triumphant smile spread to Bellatrix's face: she had won, again, like she always did. She had passed the test. She shot a sly glance at Narcissa, silently asking: "Can you do the same? Can you manage to do something properly even this once?"

She walked to the Slytherin table, waving her gorgeous black hair cunningly and got lots of cheers when she sat down. The hat, however, had already proceeded to the next person to be sorted. "Narcissa Black" the hat shouted. Narcissa took a deep breath and tried to focus her thoughts. "Don't faint, you can do this", she said to herself. 

The hat waited innocently on the chair. "Like it didn't know my life depends on this" Narcissa thought absent-mindedly. She sat on the chair and placed the hat on her head. A soft voice spoke inside the hat. 

"I could put you to Ravenclaw, yes I could. You would fit in very well. But I feel you desire to belong to Salazar Slytherin, am I right? Yes, that is what you want. You are very smart girl, I can see, Ravenclaw would be proud to take you. No? Well, your will shall it be then - Slytherin!"  

Narcissa felt a rush of glory. She had made it! Finally, she had done something that family expected her to do. Something to be accepted. She looked at the Slytherin table. Bellatrix was cheering with others but Narcissa could see she looked mildly surprised and also little - annoyed? Narcissa frowned. Why was nothing enough to her sister? Why she had to ruin her glorious moment? Why she had to be so perfect?

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**Short and stupid? Yap, but please please  review! **


	2. An unexpected couple

**And here comes the second chapter, revealing more interesting things about the fascinating life of Narcissa Black!  Wow... really.**

**But hey, read and review anyway.**

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2. An unexpected couple

It was ten o'clock in the evening and the Slytherin common room was already almost empty. Narcissa sat on the corner, doing her homework. It had been a Hogsmeade visit that day but since she had been there so many times, she hadn't bothered to go this time. It was her sixth year at Hogwarts and she still didn't feel she was one of the group. Finally she had started to accepted that it would always be that way. She would always be different like Bellatrix had said all these years. 

The sixth year had still been better than all the previous years in her life because Bellatrix wasn't around. She had gone to an exchange student to Durmstrang Academy and she had been away all year. It was a relief not to have Bellatrix teasing her and nagging to her every single moment. She felt a lot more self-confident now. 

"Is this seat free?" said a calm voice next to her. She looked up, surprised that someone really came to talk to her, and saw stunning, cold blue eyes.

Because I could not stop for Death - 

He kindly stopped for me -

The Carriage held just Ourselves -

And Immortality. 

"No… I mean, uhm…, yeah, of course it is… free, sit down…" Narcissa staggered and blushed. Lucius Malfoy, a handsome boy, year older than her, sat next to her as though it was the most natural thing to do. 

She didn't know what to think. Why had he come? She had always thought there was something going on with Bellatrix and Lucius. At least Bellatrix had always had a crush on him, and as Bellatrix usually got what she wanted, Narcissa was quite sure they had had some kind of relationship. So, it was quite obvious that Lucius had only come to hear news from Bellatrix. 

Her heart sank. It was always Bellatrix. She had always been the best, the popular, the perfect Black. She had long, shiny, black hair and she was mean and sly, just as she was supposed to be. She was everything Narcissa wanted so desperately to be. Everything she wasn't. She took a deep breath and looked at Lucius. She forced a smile on her face.

"So I guess you want to hear how's my sister doing at Durmstrangs? Well, she is fine, she loves being there and she says she has learnt so many new things. She says that the quality of the teaching is much better in there than in here. We'd better be careful or she soon doesn't want to come back at all! And we wouldn't like that, would we?" she said in a to-be-cheerful way. 

Lucius Malfoy smiled at her and looked straight into her eyes. "I don't give a damn about your sister, really. It is of course nice that she is doing well, but what I actually wanted to hear, is how you are doing." 

Narcissa blinked, utterly perplexed. Lucius Malfoy, here, sitting in front of her, talking to her and wanting to hear how she was doing? She blinked again, didn't know what to say. Was this a joke? Some horrible trick? A bet? She was confused and didn't know what to believe. 

Lucius raised his eyebrows, like wanting to know if she was ready to answer the question he was about to ask. Narcissa stared at him and he stared back. 

"Narcissa Black, would you go out with me?"

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Lucius was always a true gentleman when they were together. He opened doors, asked her how she was feeling and what she wanted to do. For the first time in her life, she felt happy. Lucius had also blond hair and they were actually quite a couple; both slender and pale with almost white hair. 

We slowly drove - He knew no haste

And I had put away

My labor and my leisure too,

For His Civility - 

Narcissa adored Lucius. He was her whole life and soon she started to abandon everything to have more time to spend with him. She had always been a good student, and she had never really needed to work for school. Soon they spent every moment they were awake together. You never saw one without another. 

We passed the School, where Children strove

At Recess - in the Ring -

We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain - 

We passed the Setting Sun -

They left the school and got married very soon. Narcissa still felt pride about marrying a Malfoy. Malfoys were at least as honoured wizarding family as Blacks were, and she felt that even this one time, she had beaten Bellatrix. Of course Bellatrix had fell in love with that Lestrange guy and never said a word about Narcissa and Lucius's marriage, but still… Being Narcissa Malfoy, that was truly something for a girl who thought that she would never even find a husband. 

We paused before a House that seemed

A Swelling of the Ground - 

The Roof was scarcely visible -

The Cornice - in the Ground -

Dark years were to come. The Dark Lord rose and Lucius had to be away from home very often. She was bound to stay in the Malfoy Manor, a huge house with echoing corridors and gloomy halls. Sitting alone on her throne and giving orders to the staff, she felt powerful. And yet, she was very lonely. She didn't feel herself at home in the Malfoy Manor. It became her prison, her cage. 

The years passed and she understood that Lucius had married her because of her name and looks. After all, he wasn't truly interested in her feelings. He wanted her to give birth to a baby, a boy who would continue the history of the Malfoys. He was always kind and sweet to her, but also distant and cold. Narcissa felt separated of him. This wasn't the man she had fallen in love with. This was a stranger, pretending to be someone he really wasn't. He wanted the nightmare to end and her perfect Lucius to come back. It never happened. 

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**Still boring…? It's not actually getting any better, I promise… ****J**

**Review, please?**


	3. The perfect son

**Hello again. This is the third chapter. Enjoy! **

**And don't forget to review. **

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3. The perfect son

Giving birth to Draco almost killed Narcissa. Her hips were so narrow and fragile that it was really difficult to get Draco out of her womb without killing him too. Lucius wasn't home when this happened, he was on duty with his fellow Death Eaters, killing and torturing innocent people. 

When she first got the baby on her arms, she felt such love for this tiny boy she had never imagined she could feel. He was so pure, so innocent. He didn't know anything about the cruel world. He hadn't suffered. That moment she decided to protect her son from any harms in the world. She would do anything to guarantee that he got the perfect life she had never had. 

Lucius came home. He was really pleased to have a son and he stayed home for a longer time than for ages. Narcissa felt complete again. They were a family. 

"He will be called Draco, after my grand-father" Lucius announced and Narcissa had nothing to add. The boy was a Malfoy, so he should have a Malfoy-ish name. Deep in her heart Narcissa thought that the name Draco was a bit ridiculous, but she had long time ago learnt to keep her thoughts in her head. Lucius Malfoy didn't want anyone to come to tell him what he was supposed to do or think. Narcissa knew that and never said a word about her thoughts. 

"Draco? Well, that's a lovely name, it really is… extraordinaire.  Special, like our son" she said and smiled lovingly to Lucius.

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The morning of the 31st of October seemed to be as normal as any morning. The sun was shining brightly. Lucius was home, but he had to leave very early. He had been in a very good mood for some time now: there was absolutely something going on with the Dark Lord. Narcissa didn't know what it would be this time and, in fact, she wasn't even interested in hearing it. If she had known that the incidents of that peculiar day would change their whole life, she could have been more interested, or even frightened. She hadn't known.

During the breakfast that was served in the Grey Hall, Lucius was humming and smiling slyly to himself. "You know, today something important is going to happen" he finally burst out. Narcissa smiled absent-mindedly to him and kept feeding Draco. 

Lucius stared at her, clearly waiting for something. "Well? Aren't you interested in hearing what it is?" Narcissa nodded, still concentrating on her son. "Course I am." Lucius smiled happily. "Today, the Dark Lord is finally going to… ", he stopped abruptly and touched his arm. "It's the call. I got to go now, but I'll come back in the evening and we can arrange a party or something. Just you wait!" He strode out of the room. 

Narcissa stared after him. What could it possibly be? What could be worth throwing a party? She sighed and turned to face her two-moth-old son. "My little honey Draco. You are the most important child in the world, you really are. 

In the evening, there wasn't a party at the Malfoys.

The next day whole wizarding world knew it: The Dark Lord had been defeated. 

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Draco Malfoy grew up in the huge Malfoy Manor. He never had other children to play or compete with, so he became arrogant and self-conscious. Narcissa saw her son became just as mean and evil as her sister had always been and she was so proud of him. Her little angel, he could never do anything wrong. 

Even the Dark Lord defeated, Lucius was still often away from home, but now that Narcissa had Draco with her she didn't feel so lonely. They had been very lucky because Lucius hadn't got caught among his fellow Death Eaters. They could continue their life almost like it had been before the defeat of the Dark Lord. 

Lucius adored his son and when he was home, he usually spent all his time with him. He had no time to remember that he even had a wife. Narcissa felt hurt, but she froze her heart. No one in this world could hurt her anymore. She had a good name, respected husband, adorable child, a big house and a lot of servants and she was wealthy. What more could she possibly want? 

Love, maybe. Love? That's not so important, she thought and smiled at her husband who was teaching their five-year-old son how to make their pet bird suffer without killing it. Draco was laughing and clapping his hands together.

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**Liked something? Hated something? Please let me know. **


	4. The cage

**Hello! This is the final chapter. I put the whole poem to the end because Ithink it's annoying if I can't see the whole poem at once. **

**If you've read this far, don't stop now. And you can't be too busy not to review... **

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4. The cage

When Draco's eleventh birthday drew nearer she had her first fight with Lucius. Lucius wanted to send Draco to Durmstang Academy but she didn't want him to go that far from home. 

"Be reasonable, woman. You know that the teachers at Hogwarts are lousy! Well, with that old goat Dumbledore leading everything I say it's no surprise no one ever learns anything _important _there. But still, all that crap about _defending _against the Dark Arts? I want our son to _learn_ the Dark Arts from the masters. And they are all in the Durmstrangs."  Lucius finished.

Narcissa looked at him, trying to find a soft spot in his angry face. "But, Lucius dear, Durmstrangs, it's just so far away, it can't be good to our little…"

Lucius gave a forced laugh. "Oh, don't you try that "our-little-son-is-so-fragile-he-needs-to-be-close-to-his-mom" –thing, he's not two years old, you know. And your own sister, she used to be an exchange student for the Durmstrang Academy, didn't she? If I don't remember quite wrong, which I'm very sure I don't, _you were the one to tell me that she really loved being there and she didn't even want to come back."_

It was like a slap on her face. Bringing her sister to the conversation about their son's future wasn't fair; it wasn't fair at all… Narcissa lost all her self-confidence and everything she had had in her mind. All she could do was to stare at her husband, to try to make him understand her point of view by shaking her head furiously.  

This time Lucius really laughed, mean and mirthless laughter. "So, it's decided, then, isn't it? The boy will go to Durmstrang."

Narcissa opened her mouth and when she spoke, her voice was calm and cold. "_He will not_." Lucius stared at her, amazed. 

"I will make sure Draco will not go to Durmstrang Academy, even if it's the last thing I'll ever do. Maybe you like running around the country and hanging with your remaining Death Eater _pals _but I don't like sitting alone in this huge house. I don't like being completely abandoned to loneliness like an old dog. I don't ask for your love or understanding but Draco is everything I have. Of course Draco will not be here with me all the time. He will have to be away even if he goes to Hogwarts but the knowledge of him being not so far away from me makes my life bearable. And know this, Lucius Malfoy, that if you try to send him to Durmstrang I swear I'll take him with me and run away from here."

Lucius's eyes narrowed and she watched his wife with new eyes. "Are you… are you threatening me?" he asked, surprised by this possibility. 

Narcissa nodded slowly, still awestruck by her courage. A little voice inside her head kept saying "How dare you, he's a Malfoy, he's a Malfoy, _he's a Malfoy…" but she refused to listen to it. This was about her only son. The only person she had left. _

Suddenly Lucius started to smile. "That's more I like it. You have always been much too soft to my taste. Threatening _me, that's really something." He bent to kiss her on the cheek. "Let it be your will his time. But only this time" he said and his eyes narrowed dangerously. "I like woman with something to say but if you try to do that ever again, I won't be so gentle. Now, go to sleep, I have some things to ponder" he said and pushed her softly but demandingly away from the room._

Narcissa left the room, still unable to understand what had just happened. She had actually… _won? Draco would go to Hogwarts._

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When Draco left to school, Narcissa's heart broke. Her only son, her baby, was away from her, in the middle of strangers and enemies. "He can manage" she said to herself. "He's much stronger than you ever were. He's just like Bellatrix." She then shook her head, horrified by the thought. Bellatrix in Azkaban. Bellatrix who had got caught. Defeated Bellatrix. 

No, Draco was better than Bellatrix. Draco would never get caught. Never.

Now, when both Draco and Lucius had left the house, it seemed bigger and lonelier than ever. Eleven years she had had Draco with her and now he was gone. She didn't belong here. She had never been a true Black but she could never become a Malfoy either. She was different. She knew that. 

Everyday, she felt lonelier in the Malfoy Manor. It was like a huge cage, and there was nothing to do to get out of there. She had no friends and no one to speak to. When she rarely left the house with her husband, her role was perfect: Lucius Malfoy's little wife, thinking, talking and looking just like him. From the inside, she felt jealousy for everyone else. Everyone free. 

Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet

Feels shorter than the Day

I first surmised the Horse's Heads 

Were toward Eternity – 

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Because I could not stop for Death –

He kindly stopped for me –

The Carriage held just Ourselves –

And Immortality.

We slowly drove – He knew no haste

And I had put away

My labor and my leisure too,

For His Civility –

We passed the School, where Children strove

At Recess – in the Ring –

We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain –

We passed the Setting Sun –     

We paused before a House that seemed

A Swelling of the Ground –

The Roof was scarcely visible –

The Cornice – in the Ground

Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet

Feels shorter than the Day

I first surmised the Horse's Heads 

Were toward Eternity – 

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**THANK YOU for reading my story. I hope you liked it, but if you didn't, I would like to know that as well. So everybody, let's review! ****J**


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